Why Am I Here?

I was originally on the waiting list to study abroad. My thought at that point was, if God wants me to go to Africa, He will make it happen. I trusted in Him to make the decision for me. So now that I’m here, I’m trying to figure out why He sent me here. I’ve been asked several times, both before coming and since being here, why I chose Africa. Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know why I chose here over Spain or Taiwan. I feel like most of the stuff I’ve learned about myself I could have learned anywhere. But I want to explain what I have learned, first specifically about Cape Town, and then in general. I’d like to share this with you, but this is also just for my personal “rumination” and gain, so just bear with me.

Begin with me by answering this question: Two men were walking down the street, one white, the other black. They were dressed in similar clothing, both had tattoos, and had cigarettes in their mouths. Who would you most likely to expect to rob you? Be completely honest. You’d probably choose the black guy right? Why?

My point is that, no matter how far America has come, racism still exists. Even if you had chosen the white guy, there had to have been some inclination that the color of his skin would cause him to commit a crime over the other one. The only difference in the description I gave you between the two was the color of their skin, and you (I’m assuming) chose one of them over the other. Most of us would choose the black guy because we are white. Do you see where I’m going with this? When I worked at the U2 concert last weekend, the whites were handling the money and the colored were doing the dirty work. Seriously, I was the only white girl doing the grunt work. The apartheid here may have ended nearly 20 years ago, but its effects are still so prevalent. It takes time to heal. And even though I’m on the other side of the world, America’s racism has become so apparent to me. It’s just hidden. But we all think it.  Everyone is racist. Even describing someone as black is sometimes taken to mean something bad. It’s like…the last resort in describing someone is to say they’re black. But why? What’s so bad about it?

            Cape Town residents are also very chill. There’s a thing called African Time. Every African, at least in Cape Town, uses it. It’s kind of like Bjorklund time, but worse. Seriously, when they say they’ll be 5 minutes, they could mean an hour. I’ll be honest, it’s annoying. I’ve spent a lot of time waiting because of it. But it’s also partly the reason I’ve allowed myself to ruminate. I’m in no rush… I’m just trying to take things as they come. At home it’s like, I have to this, and then this, and then that, and then that, and then I’ll eat lunch as a break, and then I’ll do that…you get the idea. Don’t get me wrong, To-Do lists do exist here. But they’re just handled in a different light here.

            People hug a lot here. I’m a hugger, and I think people hug a lot here. It’s actually quite beautiful. Africans have a word they use called “ubuntu” and it is considered a way of living. It means community. It doesn’t matter whether we met 5 seconds ago, or 5 years ago, they don’t shake hands…they hug. Just think about everything that this encompasses, I don’t want to write it all out…

            Alright, now on to the personal lessons I’ve learned. These experiences, I feel, are more from the basis of being away from home, with little contact to people I’m used to seeing everyday, and really having to figure things out on my own.

            There are 3 big changes that I’ve tried to make to my daily habits since being here. The first is to keep a food log. The second is to exercise more. These two go together, so I’m going to explain them together. I’ll be honest, I started these two things because, for the first month of being here, I couldn’t stop eating. I constantly felt hungry and I started to feel fat. But it’s turned into something more than that. My body is my lifeline, but it is also God’s creation. I wouldn’t have this body if it weren’t for God (or my parents…but that’s besides the point). If I don’t take care of it, I’m not protecting God’s creation. It also means I’m just not being healthy, which could cause serious health problems… obviously.  I have become more aware of what I eat and how much I eat through my food log, and I have become more aware of my body’s strengths and weaknesses through exercising. It’s a learning process, and I’m still journeying through this process. And I can’t wait to keep learning. The third change I’ve made is that I get up a half hour earlier in the morning to spend time reading the Bible. I’ve tried this before, but it’s always only lasted like two days and then I get tired. But I think since being here I have realized how important God is in my life. He is a priority now. And He’s beautiful.

            To delve into God’s love deeper is the biggest thing I’ve learned since being here. I came here knowing one person, and she was an acquaintance. She’s now my roommate, and I’m extremely grateful for her. But essentially, I came here on my own. Or so that’s what I thought at first. But God brought me here, and He is with me every moment of every day. When I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to, I talk to Him. When I feel homesick, I pray for His strength. When I need patience, I ask Him. I’ll be honest; I’m still learning to trust Him. I still complain a lot. But I’m becoming more aware of it. I’m here with His blessing because He wants me to realize how much I have at home, how good and beautiful His creation is, and how much He has to offer outside of the Pacific Northwest. He’s brought me here for other reasons that I have yet to learn, and that’s the great thing about it all. I’m here for four months. It feels like I’ve been here forever already, and I’m eager to go home. But before I do, I know I still have so much to learn, and He’ll guide me through it all. I have good lecturers here, but the greatest teacher is God. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are all working in and around me to allow me to ruminate on my experiences, to learn from the people around me, and learn to love and trust the biggest, greatest God ever.